I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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