we're chasing vodka with high fives
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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