you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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