Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
