blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
