She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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