My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
