I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.