He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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