She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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