You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
