I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
