We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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