I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize