Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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