uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
