i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
