Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
