the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
