Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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