I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
