my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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