Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
