I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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