Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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