The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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