He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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