8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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