You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
