she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
