the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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