I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
