Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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