An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
