I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
