I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
