The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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