nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You ate ashes out of my bong
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
