i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
