alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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