Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
4 words: hood of his car
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
