You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
