please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
