i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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