The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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