What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
