Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
