So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
