Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
