there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
