the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
