I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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