I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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