Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
