I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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