Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
