Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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