she woke up with a sticky ear
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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