I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
