If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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