so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
