listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
