I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
