vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
