worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
