I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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