I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
