omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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