Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
