As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize