mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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