You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you had me at cake vodka
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
