i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
