i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
