The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
