New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
