Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
