I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
