The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
